As you may or may not have noticed, spring has arrived again.  New shoots are shooting out of virtually every plant, tiny birds are learning to fly (I actually saw a hawk of some kind with a much smaller hawk gangling around behind it the other day).  Down here in the peninsula, the trees have moved from that sort of hazy greenness into having actual leaves and as a result of all this new life, my essentially contrarian nature drives me to a nigh-constant contemplation of death.

I had an idea in the shower this morning (more on shower ideas later this week, check this space).  I believe it was inspired in large part by this Dinosaur Comic.  Basically my idea was that, due to the essentially random nature of future events, one could die at virtually any moment.  Heart attacks, car accidents, sudden meteor strikes, really anything could off you at any time.  This to me is an excellent argument for a couple of life choices.

1. Live like you were dying

If you’re like me, you hate this song with your very being because it is so trite and irritating.  Unfortunately, it makes an excellent point.  Be nicer to people so they will remember you as being a nice person rather than being a crabby jerk.  Maybe learn how to paint or draw or write music instead of just thinking about going and doing it later.  Things of this nature

2.  Plan your last words carefully

How lame would it be to have your last words be something like “I suppose I will have a second helping of banana split”?  Or possibly “Look, I don’t care what you say, bears don’t hibernate, they are basically just in a very sleepy state and you probably shouldn’t be poking that one in that manner.”  It is, however, pretty unreasonable to expect that everything that comes out of your mouth be memorable but don’t worry!  I have a perfect solution.  End every sentence with “YOU KNAVE!”  This will make any sentence an awesome epitaph.  “Yes, I have my own bags, YOU KNAVE!”  “Yes, I’m sure I turned off the gas, YOU KNAVE!”  “Did anybody else hear that, YOU KNAVES‽” (This one is not as strong because pluralizing knaves doesn’t sound as good).  I think you see where I’m going with this.  YOU KNAVE is a good one, but now I’ve claimed it so I will provide you with a few more classy sentence enders for your own just-before-death usage:

  • CUR

all the secrets that you’re keeping