This morning, this vehicle pulled up in front of our office.

beep beep beep

Though minus the European licence plate.  Apparently Red Bull is trying to increase market share in downtown St. Catharines.  Two women came into our office and offered “the gift of energy” (needlessly suggestive) and handed everybody a can of Red Bull.  I’ve never really had any energy drinks before.  I made the mistake once of buying Mountain Dew Amp’d which gave me a headache for a couple of days.  I figured that since several years had passed I ought to try again because maybe the marketing was right and I was missing something wonderful.

My mouth wants to die and I can feel a week-long headache settling in.

This stuff is sort of fruity and mostly very chemical tasting.  It’s carbonated and apparently contains the following ‘medicinal’ ingredients: Taurine (which is part of bile.  They don’t advertise this fact and I can’t imagine why not), glucuronolactone, caffeine, nicotinamide (though they call it by the less awesome name of niacin), and a mess of other vitamins that they call by the chemical names so they sound better.  It has a bunch of other ingredients like carbonated water, a couple of different kinds of sugars and flavour.  There is apparently no colour added.

One thing that the marketing team definitely did right was selling it in opaque containers.  I poured some out into my mug to see what I was drinking and I really wish I hadn’t done so.  Here is Red Bull, decanted into my Edmonton OIlers 1990 Stanley Cup Champions mug:

yes i am saying it looks like pee

I need to either drink the rest of this stuff or pour it out in the street someplace.  I think it’s eating through the mug and I don’t want it etching the steel of the sink or bursting through our drains.

let your feelings slip boy but never your mask